da! da da, da da, da da da da da da

Woosh! I've been enspired by overheard conversations about blogs and thought I should come back and update those of you still hanging on here an update.
Firstly: my finger is better--although now I've done something else to it.
Secondly ... um ... um ... Welcome to my life ... for now.
Slancha!

The Finger

Quick, someone call whoever is in charge of the home for abused fingers! ... What? there isn't one? This poor finger! It has been very badly hurt by it's owner and there needs to be an intervention, stat! At the very least, the finger really should see a doctor. Someone call a doctor for this poor finger! For all that is tactile save this poor finger!
And by now you're probably wondering just what I've done to my "poor finger." Yes, it is my finger. Well, It all started a few days ago when I was making cupcakes.
I don't actually know how it happened, but while the cupcakes were in the oven, I noticed that I had somehow cut my finger. Then a few days later when I wasmaking myself a sandwich, I burnt the tip of my finger on the--um--er--pan? And then somehow somewhere I burnt my finger again. Then it got poked a bunch of times while I was making stuff out of craft wire. youch!
Yeah, now do you see? And now it's all bandaged and shrivelly. Um, yeah. . . don't take your bandade off to check your finger, it's not usually pretty.
Oh, yes you should definitely take your bandade off at somepoint, that's only healthy. Just don't do it like while you're eating or something.

More Bloggy Business

Do you see that list of links that says "categories?" Yeah, you can ignore it. It really won't take you anywhere. So Blogger doesn't support categories, but I tried to put it in there somehow. I've looked up several different ways of doing it online, but none of them helped me. *Sigh* oh well. So at some point I'm going to remove that, but for now, don't click it!
I know, I know that makes you want to go click it. Go ahead if you must, but it's not at all interesting, nore is it what I was going for.
And why you might ask would I want categories in addision to labels? Well, for now I'm fine with out them, but really organizing is so much easier with categories and tags. Think about it. The tags would be more for finding the individual posts, and the categories would be more for finding groups of posts. I'm sorry I'm not at my clearist today, so if that didn't make sense you'll just have to look it up.
Oh, in other news, I'm getting a new case manager. She seems nice, but I've had to postpone meeting her twice, so I haven't met her yet. And PT I think is going well. My leg does seem to hurt more with all the streching and excersizing, but I'm not really sure what that means. I want this to work; I really do. This would be my right leg if you've lost track. hee hee
O my gosh yes and how could I forget? I have a bed! Well, sort of. I don't know if i mentioned this before but I had been sleeping on a matriss pad for awhile, but now I have an actual matriss and boxspring. More about that later though, and other things.
TTFN!

No Scratching

STUPID STUPID STUPID FREAKING IDIOT! GENIUS GIRL!
There now, I've said it. It does not make me feel better to have said it, but at least now there is a record. My falt of course, I have to own it and that maybe makes it worse, but I knew better and so it was my falt. I blame only myself.
It sucks, but there it is. ... sigh

And I didn't have to call The Firemen! hehe

I have returned! Probably you didn't miss me because I have left you for longer periods of time, but this time was because I was unable to log in to my blog. I think this has happened to a few other bloggers as well because blogger is having all kinds of problems lately. But clearing my history helped.
So, I am back on but the stuff I really wanted to blog about will have to wait for another time because now that I am back on I am not really in a writing mood. Deal! jk I love you all.
O and my experimenting with format and stuff, yeah that didn't work. Not this time anyway. Sigh. Good Night.

Of Shoes and Shopping

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but I am one of the pickiest shoppers you will ever meet. I have no desire to follow the latest fashion, nor do I like much of what is even out there for fashion. It's just that I invision whatever it is that I want and almost nothing ever comes close. *sigh* At one point, E and I decided that I should just become a seamstress and be done with it. I can sew, I just don't know how to use a sewing machine--not yet anyway.
So I have a pare of white sandelsz that I love. When summer comes around, I wear them every day and my sneakers basically go in to summer hibernation. I even where these sandels to church and sometimes in the rain if it is not too too bad. But This summer I am afraid that I will not be able to wear my beloved white sandels. I've had them for some time now and they are very very warn and the bottoms should start coming off any time. So basically I need new sandles. So with out further ado, I present, a story of shoe shopping.
This weekend E and I went to find another pare of sandels that I could wear to death and for a few years. I guess that is part of why I am so picky, because I don't have the money to shoe shop that often. So I need sandles that I will love and that will last awhile. But first, here are my requirements.

• slip on is prefered, though not required


• open-toed


• I am not a fan of thongs


• I don't like leather


• I don't like black or brown


• I don't want any kind of heael


• I would like some elivation to my sandels, not because I am short, but because if I am going to wear open toed shoes, I'd like to be not so close to the ground

Sounds simple right? ... have you seen shoes lately? So basically, everything I don't want is what's out there. And on top of that, a lot of what I don't want is what makes a sandel. How I found the perfect pare the last time I'll never know.
So E and I visited probably five or six different stores and found nothing. It was dress pants shopping all over again! Although actually we almost did find one pare, but in the end I decided that I wasn't in love with them. Guess I should learn to make shoes too huh?
So I bought coffee. Yup, I couldn't find shoes or chocolate-covered coffee beans--yes I have been looking for those for some time now--so I got coffee instead. The quest continues!
Oh, and in other news? Eddie and I are learning
this
song, among others. There may be another Eddie link for you soon. =D

Thursday Night Partay!

Greetings! Can you guess what I've been up to? It's amazing how much time some things take up really. Today is Running Slippers' birthday. He is gone though so I won't be able to celebrate with him :( But he always goes back home for his birthday anyway, so I've never been able to. I have plans though ... oh do I have plans.

I think next week I'm going to start trying to be a real person instead of a sedintary mass of bla. Wish me luck.

Oh yes, and Also, I've been seeing a physical therapest about my leg. I know, finally right? It's too early to say how much it's helping right know, but he's a nice guy and everyone at the office seems really nice. I love that because I don't always know what I am doing or how to go about things and people with little patients or just general bad attitudes just make everything worse.

Sigh, what I wouldn't give for something munchy right now. But I think just now there is no more to tell you so I shall leave you with this

Enjoy

In Colors

I am cozy here, here in the blue
All curled in my warm cocoon.
There is comfort here, in my cocoon,
Curled as if inside the womb.
Safe from harm, safe from cold
Safe from all the outside bold.
Blue for peace, a calming breeze
Green for vibrant life at ease.
Warmed I am and warmer still,
Warmth until I've had my fill.
Heat is white inside this cage,
The flaming white of multant rage.
Fevered burning roiling churning
liquid fire turning turning.
Boiling over, it can not stay
Until it melts and melts away.
White,
Green,
Blue,
Purple,
Red,
Black,
Black.

Updates

Hello again, I have missed you! Not feeling in the best of moods just now, but more on that later, I promise.
I got hangers! Yay, but somehow there are still clothes on my bed and kitty loves them. Tee hee
Darling Finn is finally going to get fixed! I know right, it took them this long? They aught to be ashamed.
There are no more sweet potato fries to be had. We ate them all. Darn you universe!
I think I may try to post more story stuff while I am thinking up what next to share with you. That way you won't get so lonely when I am away for days on end.
Uuummm, guess that's it. Good night. Be back soon.

The Universe Speaks

Do you ever get hungry for something, and when you realize what that something is you also realize that you don't have it or the ingredients to make it? I know you do. It happens to me a lot. So today, I'm sitting with Roomy and I threw my hands up in the air and asked the universe what I wanted for dinner. Do you know what the universe told me? It said sweet potato fries.
So I had sweet potato fries and you know what? Darn the universe anyway because sweet potato fries are adictive! They are like crack! I want more of them! I want want want want want! And now I am looking up things to do with ritz crackers.

Funny Tone of Color

Do you ever hear people tell you to be careful how you say things? I have heard it before, though not necessarily directed at myself. One of my pet pieves is misplaced emphasis. It probably seems silly and not very many people understand when I try to explain, but as an example, "this blanket was made in Mexico, but we got it in New Mexico." Does this bother anyone else? I tried to explain to the speaker at the time that it should be "New Mexico" but that person didn't see the point. Please if you're going to make a point, try to emphisize the right word. I also hate it when people try to sing a song a capella and they get the spacing wrong; like when there is a pause where the music comes in, but the person comes in too soon. Ui ui ui! But that is more of a rhythm issue and not where I intended to take this.
Some people are tone deaf while others are just fine. I like to tell people I am tone sensitive, although not necessarily in terms of music. No matter what you say to me and no matter how well intentioned, it is always your tone of voice that I will react to. I know that seems pretty obvious, but for me it is the equivalent of reading facial expressions. I can not read facial expressions, so you can only imagine how much tones of voice mean to me. That being said, you might think I would have a problem with sarcasm or deadpan humer, but actually I don't. I do have problems when people aren't careful how they respond though.
I am not much bothered by distracted tones. If I feel I actually need something from you right then I will just keep on with my request, otherwise I am likely to drop the issue and come bug you later. Annoied tones are different though. If I come to you and your first response rings of annoyance and I can not immedietly identify what is annoying you, I will assume it is me or something I did at some point and feel bad. The worst one however, is anger. If I come to you, and you have just been having an argument with someone or you have been getting frustrated with something, and your response to me is angry even if it's not at me, I am likely to flinch, back hurridly away and avoid you for the rest of that day. For those of you who are wondering, yes, I am told I was a joy to raise, hehehe.
I won't say that I have not been guilty of any of these a time or two myself, but some people just don't realize and I only wish they would be more careful. Or we could all talk like Ben Stein and I'd be hopelessly lost. lols

In Other People's Lives

I love to spend time in other people's lives. Is that creepy? Of course it is, but I am a writer and therefore a reader and I love to know things about people. For this reason I love finding other people's blogs in which they talk primarily about their everyday lives and experiences of being them. It is like I am there with them, being a kind of invisible part of them.
People and places and events stick with me even when they are fictional. I carry them around with me like so many helium balloons; floating and bobbing along and every so often catching my attention. I love stories, real or fiction, whether I am a physical part of them or not.
So that is what I am doing right now. While the roomies watch their movie in the family room, I am curled up in bed under my little blue blanket reading other people's lives and pushing away the sadness. When I read, books, other people's blogs, facebook and twitter updates, I can forget myself and the sadness that has been so lately pulling at me.
I want to melt away. I want to curl up inside myself until I am strong enough to come back as myself; to push away the sadness and be happy. I will be happy again; for my friends, for myself, and so that when I tell people that I am ok I will really mean it.
Sometimes I think of my future. I don't know how it will be, but I can picture several different scenarios. They usually involve family or friends and always a pet or several. Sometimes my imagination is so vivid that I long for that future self, but mostly I am content not quite knowing where I will be. I am happy enough to be where I am and let my life play out as I make my choices, good ones and bad ones.
As to my poor darling fin, he is still here with me, still not well and the both of us are still awaiting protocol and procedure and for people to decide we are important enough to get back to.
Off to find my happier self. =:

Freak Freak Freak Freak Freak freak freak!

No no no no no, I think Finn is sick! cramberries! My poor little darling Finn has very possiblly picked up something from our internet adventures of late. He has just not been functioning well. It's ok don't worry, This is like glaucoma, a disease but you will not catch it.
It looks like I will have to call up that friend after all, but darn me for thinking him up the other day!
I'll keep you updated. Keep us in your thoughts

I Thought Too Long For A good Title Here

bla bla bla. bla bla bla bla bla! So I really don't feel like doing anything today. Not like can't get out of bed woe is me and life kind of thing, more like I just got bored doing all the things I've been doing for the past few days. It's time for a change!
Ah but alas,what else shall I do? Perhaps I'll actually write today since all the other times I said I would I never actually did.
Well in other news, it looks like my weekend is full. yay finally! I have missed hanging with people.
So long for now, more for you when the muse calls back. =D

*heart*Love of My Life*heart*

I mean of course my darling wonderful Eddie! I have mentioned him before I know, but I'm not sure in how much detail.
So I was going to post something fun and maybe quirky for you from my thought banks, but really I just want to share Eddie with you. I have been trying to find a way to do this almost since I started this blog and now I finally can!
This is just a little peace of happiness from Eddie and I for you. I dis like my voice so I will not sing for you, but here is
Eddie!
Sorry the sound quality is not ideal, I will work on that. Also sorry about my nails; they are way to long and I need to cut them. Anyone who clames to love me wanna buy a pick for me? I will love you forever! Lols actually you really wouldn't need to buy me a pick for me to love you forever.
I am happy enough for your friendship. =D
And now you have heard my wonderful Eddie. Doesn't he just sound so happy!? I hope you enjoyed. There is more where that came from. Well,, lovely dreams all!

Internetting

Things I should probably go do, or be doing now;

1. getting out, or at least off of my bed


2. filling out more job aplications


3. finishing my newist story project


4. laundry


5. cleaning and organizing some of my random stuff

But instead I've been blog walking. Sadly I didn't find anything interesting to follow today. Sorry, I don't mean to say that the blogs I came across weren't interesting at all, they just weren't what I was looking for. At one point I hit about 20 or so in other languages, which is when I decided to stop for the day. So clearly I did not explode lastnight, but I didn't actually sleep right away either. O well, I'm still so excited about fixing up my blog. It certainly takes up time which for now is good because at least I am doing something that might one day prove beneficial to my work. Lest you think I am a lazy slob with minimal tallent and no ambition in life however, I have managed to do a few productive things today. I know it isn't exactly true that cleaning will make will make a person happy, but for me it goes a long way toward motivating me to be productive. I have a bunch of clothes that I can't really do anything with because they need to be hung up and I need to go buy hangers so for now I keep them on the end of my bed. I know, nice right? That way they could fall off and get dirty and or wrinkly. I've been meaning to do something about this like fined a better temp place for them or actually go out and get hangers, but roomy's cat has been using them as a kind of nest, and I have been using him as an excuse not to touch them. He is so happy curled up on my clothes, who am I to disturb him? So today I decided that I needed to go through them and find out which ones need to be bagged for laundry and which ones I just need hangers for. Then I cleaned the floor. I love making surfaces smooth and free of dust and dirt particles and especially stickiness! This kind of makes me sound like a neat freak, but I am not. I really just need things to be in some semblance of order, both for practical reasons and because it feels good to have clenliness. I have been known to let things go for awhile before it drives me nuts and I have to clean clean clean! So anyway, fixing my bed and surrounding area made me think of how much I want a headboard. Yes, someday soon I want a headboard and lots and lots of pillows! Then I can prop myself up when I write or something. Since I sometimes like to get writing done before I go to bed, It makes sense to me to be in bed when I write. Unfortunately I have very undisciplined posture though and with out a headboard I am not comfortable doing much other than laying in strange positions. At some point I ate food, and later I plan on doing laundry and writing some more. And this, my friends and followers, has been my Monday. So now I think I'm gonna go google random stuff and see what comes up. =D

OMGosh Blogging!

Wow, who knew menipulating stuff on a vertual page could be so rewarding! I have been playing around with my blog for the past six almost seven hours now. I have no idea where the time went but I am so so so excited! yes, that much! I feel all techy, though my brother is certainly more advanced than I am at computer and programming stuff, but he would be o so proud of his big sis! So I hope you enjoy the changes; they are mostly minor. Also I really hope it looks alright. And now that it's so late, I think I may sleep ... or watch a movie ... or just explode with happiness. toodles!

Bubbles

Sometimes I am just happy. I am just a little bubble of consentrated bliss and I am helpless to do anything but grin and grin and grin until I am sure my face will fall off. Sometimes I want to hug everyone, sometimes I want to just float lazily away on the clouds.

Painful Slumber

I, as I believe I have said before, am not a huge fan of sleep. I think I appreciate it more now that I am older, but only at night. Lately I have been feeling like Sleep has become just something else to pass the time or something to do because there is nothing else I can do with my day. I don't know, sleep and I have never had the healthiest of relationships. I don't know if I actually have insomnia because I've never been tested, but It wouldn't surprise me. In any case, I have more or less excepted sleep even if my body has not. One thing I don't think I will ever be able to deal well with though are naps. Now of course the way naps usually work is somewhat like I have previously described sleep. That is to say, most every kid hates them but as they grow older, they learn to appreciate and miss them. Me on the other hand, nothin' doing. I still hate naps with a passion. They are the enomy and I will only admit defeat to them as an unfortunate result of mind-numbing bordom and no one around. Besides generally hating the idea of sleeping in the middle of the day, naps do bad things to my body, and I have known myself to do strange things during them. As far as I know, I am not a sleep walker, and I can not remember anyone ever telling me that I have ever spoken in my sleep. Although I did once laugh out loud in my sleep. Strange things I have done in my sleep though include shutting off an alarm, pulling my headphones from my ears and placing them neatly beside my CD player, and answering the phone. No joke here, I have woken up, phone in hand and someone in midsentence on the other end. I'm not really sure why the phone itself didn't wake me up, since the ring is so loud. The other reason I hate naps--because let's face it, we've all done something strange in our sleep at least once--is that they never feel good. I always hear people talk about how they feel good after a nap or that they feel refreshed. I never have such feelings. Clearly I am doing something wrong. That, or else they know I hate them. (growl) The most naps ever do for me is make me more tired or disoriented. Sometimes when I wake up from one of those unfortunate little devils I am completely disoriented and shaking uncontrolably. and my eyes bother me too. I really hate that feeling. But I think worst of all is when I wake up and hurt. Have you ever gone to sleep fine and then woke up in pain? I don't mean like you slept on your arm or slept on your shoulder wrong and I don't mean like serious pain either, I mean with your body just kind of achy. Eventually it will go away, but I will fall asleep feeling fine, then wake up just aking and feeling like I could use a good massage or something. It's pretty much aweful; I hate naps and they hate me back.

All The Bananas!

So I've been finding lots and lots of banana songs or songs that mention bananas and driving roomy crazy singing and playing them all day. Apparently it was a popular song topic once upon a time; hmm, I wonder why. I've been having lots of fun with it and it's kind of become a thing now to find as many as I can. I am not actually counting the bananas in pajamas song because it is the theme song to a show and the rest of them are legitimate songs about bananas. bananas bananas bananas bananas!!! And of course I love bananas. I know quite a few people who do not, but I enjoy them thoroughly. Also I think just in general, I need more novelty songs in my life! My roomies couldn't quite get over how strange some of my music on my ipod is. Although, some of it is quite well known but obscure is fun. So send me your banana songs and we'll see just how many we can collect! Also before I go, just to let everyone who may be curious know, I am doing better now. TTFN!

Peeling

I think those who know me well will agree with me when I say that I probably spend far too much time in my own mind. If there is such a thing, yes I do it, and do it often. Largely this from being alone so much, but there are times when I do this amoung company. For example a person will say something to me and I will reply, but only in my mind. I think I've mentioned this before, but words regularly forget to come out of my mouth. All of that to say that I've been thinking a lot about a lot of different things mainly me and how I relate to other people. Do you ever do something that may have been stupid or somehow unwise and then thought to yourself, I should have known better? I often do know better, but that does not always stop me from falling in the soup. Actually I think it's worse knowing better because all the time you are beating yourself up about it. I will think to myself, I shouldn't do this I know I shouldn't do this, and yet I will do it anyway. Perhaps I am insane? So I have this thing; I play it cool, I play it safe and no one touches me. When I was younger I would never ask my friends to come over, nor would I ever ask if I could go over their houses because I was always afraid they would say no. I don't know exactly who taught me to be so fearful, but it is something I am trying to work on and I think part of that is getting rid of some of the influences that I know are reinforcing that fear. But I learned to hide my feelings and let no one know how much something effected me. I play it cool; I play it safe, and no one touches me. At least that was how it was when I was younger. Now I've learned to be more excepting of unfavorable outcomes and thus there is less need to hide my feelings. However there is a downside. I am still not good at expressing some of my emotions and I will not suddenly become better at it after this post. I am still somewhat afraid and my need for self-preservation keeps many things inside where they are safe from judgement and scruteny. Yet I always knew this might get me in trouble some day. Perhaps trouble is not the right word here, but what I mean is, if I keep it safe, I can never be hurt and yet I can never be entirely happy either. If I never extended the invitation to potential friends to come over, they might have interpreted that as my not liking them and I would have lost them. The same, I am sure, is true of many other things as well. As I have said, I know better, but that does not stop me from having to swim through chicken noodle. Yes, I think let's call it chicken noodle. Hee hee, sorry, sometimes I need to be silly. But in all seriousness, giving, in so far as myself is concerned, I struggle with. It is something I am trying to work on though because as much as I would hate to get hurt, I would hate much more to hurt anyone else. So dear friends, I have peeled back part of my shield for you to see inside and hope you will be understanding, and please forgive my silences; they are very often not what you think.

Much Too Much Taring

So earlier today I was supposed to hang out with a friend of mine who I don't get to see that often, but plans were canseled. I half Expected it to be honest and it is really no one's fault, but my reaction to it is a sure indication that something else is wrong. I tend to be rather honest with myself, if not with very many others as regards my deeper feelings, and I can recognize that when minor things that I can usually brush off bother me in extreme, it means something else is going on. I don't yet know what or why, but something has torne in just the right spot so that all the little minor cuts and scrapes become holes, huge and gaping. I don't like to tell, and I hate to be unhappy, but I feel so vonerable and there's nothing for it but to burrow inside for awhile until the holes are mended. So forgive me my unhappiness tonight, but I think writing it out helps some.

Love And Laughter

So how was my birthday you ask? Well to be honest the day itself was nothing to write home about, but since I wasn't expecting much, I have no complaints about it. I did get to go and hang out with my mom the day after however. We got our nails done and drove around a bit so that was very nice. The real fun was had the day before my birthday however. Shall I tell you about it? I won't spend too much time on it I'm afraid because I don't think I could ever capture my enjoyment and level of excitement at having so many of my friends near by. Of course not all who were invited could make it, but I think it was a great group just as it was; including my roomies, Running Slippers, The Maestro and a few others. I forgot my coat and lost my voice, but it was well worth the good time I had. We went scavenger hunting in Boston and then had dinner at AppleBee's. Is it possible to give yourself a migraine from having too much fun? We faked a proposal,almost joined a protest, and managed not to get shot by any ducks, and I loved every minute of it. Here's looking forward to the next goodtime! I'm off now to go enjoy more creepy tails. toodle pip!

... want?

It would appear that as the Earth has made yet another revolution and another year is upon us, My birthday has rolled around again, and that most common of questions has arisen once again. What do you want for your birthday? It's a perfectly good question, and one that I would ask my own friends and family in turn, however I always seem to have trouble figuring out how to answer. Of course when I was little--note younger since I am still somewhat little--toys were an easy enough answer. But now I am older and I find myself uninterested in many of the desires of most girls. I don't wear makeup, I like some jewelry, but I think I'm too particular about what I like, and I wouldn't like getting clothes; especially in light of recent shopping experiences. There are a few things that I like and wouldn't mind getting that I would assume might be general knowledge among my friends, however perhaps not--see previous post. For one thing, I love animals and figurenes especially since they're tactile, I've always liked fake body parts and had started upquite a collection before we moved and most of it disappeared. My collection included: one pink foam brain, a glow in the dark brain which I liked better, a squushy heart, several eyeballs that bulged when you squeezed them, a ball of fake blood that splatted against the wall when thrown, and some hands feet an ear and nose. However, for those of you who might be more ambitious in your gift giving, I have thought long and hard about the things I want and have carefully compiled for you a list of the things I would most like to recieve. So here with out further ado, is my list for your gifting convenience.

1. a dragon
He of course must fly, however full blown firebreath is optional

2. angora goat
preferably a small one

3. a pegasus-drawn chariot


4. a griffin


5. invisibility spray


6. a male quartet
Either a capella or with a piano accompaniment is exceptible.

7. jazz band


8. flying carpet


9. sealion
Not to be confused with a seal.

10. an empty shopping mall
So that I can run around in.

11. elephant ride

Thank you.

Sleeping Away

I think I am going nocturnal again. Oddly enough I don't really mind sleeping late in to the day, but sometimes at night when nothing is going on I'd like to be able to shut out the world for awhile. But alas I am stuck trying to find things to pass my time until my body gets tired enough to let me drop off. This usually happens around 3ish now. True 9 is a bit early for me to ever have tried sleeping, but I am in a mood to put life out of my mind for awhile.
*sigh* O well, perhaps someday my bordom and inability to sleep early will do great things for me. perhaps I will discover something useful. lol ah well, maybe, maybe. Also, it is really hot in my room right now so that does not help at all. I think I may need to open a window. probably if it gets too cold I will fall asleep easier because I will want to snuggle up in my blankets.
Ok, sleep attempt take 5

In My Own Little Corner, In My Own Little Mind

Sometimes I think I spend too much time in my mind. Like when someone says something to you and you think you've answered them, but really you forget that your part of the conversation is actually not taking place out loud? I say I don't expect people to be able to read my mind and for the most part I don't, but I do sometimes forget that people need clues to what I am thinking or intending. That being said, I wonder just how much of myself I share with others.
I often find myself thinking how little people know me even sometimes my closest friends. Then I wonder if I should really expect them to know certain things about me, like how there are certain things I do not like to talk about; not because I am ashamed of things, but more so because I do not like fuss. Sometimes when I buy something new like a braselet for example, I don't like to show it off right away, rather I like to keep it to myself while I enjoy the newness of it. Then I'll casually wear it somewhere.
Then I think to myself,does anyone ever notice this stuff about me and if so would anyone even care? Or is it even reasonable for me to expect that someone might notice? It's not exactly something you could ask a person either; "Hey do you ever notice how I act when I get new things,?" So I am at a dead end. On the one hand, it would make sense for my close friends at least to notice these little characteristics about me, but on the other hand the things they don't notice, is it because I don't share enough about myself?
I do try not to talk about myself too much largely because I don't want to feel conceited, but also because I am somewhat insecure and I don't think people care all that much. I suppose that is something like my facial expressions. Sometimes I wonder how much people can read what I am thinking or how I am feeling from my face, but I never get a clear answer whenever I work up enough nerve to actually ask someone. I figure for the most part that people don't pay any attention to my face because there are times I have forgotten my glasses and almost no one ever notices right away.
Although I did once have an aquaintence comment that he liked to watch the expressions on my face. He made this comment while I was listening to a new piece of music he had just mixed. Of course it confuses the issue whenever I remember that. I know there are other ocasions that people have looked at my face and said "you looked mad" or "you looked really excited" or "you smile a lot." Then there are the times when people have said things to indicate that my expression was unreadable.
And then there are those times when nearly everyone gets it wrong; those times when someone thought I looked really tired when I am just bored or pensive, or when someone thought I was looking at them expectantly when really I had spaced out and just happened to be looking in there direction. So it all boils down to can people actually read my facial expressions when I am not merely reacting to something, or do people even pay attention?
Alas, perhaps I am just not socialized enough. So when my friends do something that makes me think you should know better, I'll just have to think to myself that it's too bad no one really knows me. Then of course because I think entirely too much--yes that is possible--I start to thinkhow well do I really know my friends? Do I pay enough attention to notice the little things about them?

So The Other Day: 3

1. blanket
So the other day I was out with roomy because she needed to get some things taken care of at the mall. I really think things close too early around here, and especially on sunday. If stores are going to do any kind of odd opening/closing on sundays, they should open some time in the afternoon so that people can go to church. In any case, I got this amazing, amazingly warm blanket. I don't think I will name this one, but we shall see. My new blanket is very soft and made of this material that is like a very soft stuffed animal. I can't remember at the moment what it is called, but I love it! It's dark blue and I will keep it forever!

2. hair brush
Have you ever been so upset that you wanted to break something? Sometimes but not often, when I am very upset I will throw things at walls. I know it is probably childish, but I never throw anything breakable and I never try to hurt anyone. Well, I have this handy cheap hair brush that I got as a replacement for the one my mother lost. Anyway the first time I tried combing my hair with it it broke apart, which says something about the quality of the hair brush but probably also says something about my hair. lol I was able to put it back together and keep using it, but then one day I got upset and I needed to chuck something. Well the brush is kind of broken for real this time so the other day I got a new one.
My new hairbrush is blue and lovely and substantial. The brissles are just right and its even got a cool grippy handle that I can kind of squeeze and mold. I really like it.

3. bug
So speaking of throwing things at walls, I ordered a squishy bug that splatters when you throw him against the wall. I have called him Smack and he is awesome! He doesn't really flatten out on the wall though, which is too bad but he is very sticky and could probably stay stuck to the wall for days. I probably shouldn't try throwing him on the cieling then huh?

And that was my weekend. Cheers!

Regarding Chocolate Cakes

Treat me like a chocolate cake, and I willl act like a chocolate cake.
... Ok, so this post actually has nothing to do with chocolate cakes. No, sadly I do not have some amazing, you must try this, recipe that I am going to shair with you. If you are hungry for chocolate cake however, I know there are many amazing food blogs out there. For those of you who are curious as to what on Earth I am talking about this time, stay right here.


Must you first act like a chocolate cake to be treated as such, or do you need to be treated like a chocolatee cake in order to feel like you can act like one? I'm sure all of you have heard such sayings as, "show respect and you'll be shown respect" and many other variations on the same theme, "act like X, and you'll be treated" or ... ECT. I have chosen to use chocolate cake because it is something we can all relate to.
What my question is, is which way around should some of these things go? Should you start acting like chocolate cake and expect soon after to be treated as one, or do you first need to feel like some one is treating you like a chocolate cake? Because quite frankly, there are some instances where if no one treats you like a chocolate cake and rather more like a chocolate chip cooky, then you are not going to really act like a chocolate cake. You are more apt to act like a cooky than you are a cake.
Of course then a person who is treated like a chocolate cake is not always garenteed to act like a chocolate cake; however there is lesss of a chance people will start treating a person like a chocolate cake just because they act like one.
I don't know, perhaps you have other oppinions? Or maybe they should just all work together, and it doesn't matter who starts it as long as both acting and treating happen?

Why Am I So Strange?

I hate making people feel bad. I mean I suppose all decent human beings do, but I sometimes feel like I am irrational about it.
For example, I will be walking with a friend somewhere like in a store and I will get hit by some clothes rack that was sticking out too far. Then my friend will feel bad because I got hurt and he/she wasn't paying attention, and then I feel bad because they feel bad; like I should never have gotten hurt. It gets even worse depending on just how bad the friend feels and how much I judge it is not their falt.
One time one of my profs brought some treats in to class for her students to enjoy and I mistakenly ate one with nuts. I had to go to the nurse to get benadryl, but that's as far as I ever got. To this day she still brings up how she almost killed me. And even though it is kind of a joke, it is partly serious because we really want to make sure that does not happen again.
And of course, dying though I could have been, I still wanted to cry inside for eating the nuts and making my prof feel bad and dampening everyone's mood, as if I had done it on purpose. See how strange I am? I don't think that is normal!
Also I don't understand why I constantly see the need to point out when things are not normal about me, I know I am not normal and I should stop trying to prove it to myself. ha!
Ok, so there it is. To all of you reading this whom I have made feel bad by getting hurt or sick, I am sorry! I feel terrible! Please except my inner tears and let's keep being friends and move on.

I'm Coughing Again

Apparently my cough is just a cruel joke that is being plaied on me for sick and twisted reasons beyond my understanding. You remember how I told you that I woke up the morning after my cleaning fit with my nose all stuffed up and my throat all sore? And then I said I was fine that afternoon? Well that night my cough came back and the next morning was the same as before. It's just been cycling like that ever since. It's driving me bonkers! So my roomies got me tissues, cough drops and orange juice. I am kind of afraid that I might choke on the cough drops, but I will try not to think about that. The good news is that since this cough thing has happened to me on more than one occasion, I can say that it is not contagious. It only seems to enjoy obsessing over me. Lucky me, huh? O well, Finn is going to want charging soon and I should start considering actual food soon, especially since I'll have to get up anyway. Stay healthy!

Ocean Depths

Sunny surface water rippling reflected rays of light.
Shimmering shards of broken beems, warm and clear.
Currents sway gently.
This way, now that way, perhaps playful like happy dolphins.
Cooler here.
Darker here.
falling.
Falling falling down down deep through depths.
Curling coiling rithing roiling reaching seaking dragging down down down.
Down darker, deeper, arms reaching up.
Cold.
So very cold and still here, a bitter chill here.
To awake and find the salt drops still here.

They're home! They're Home They're H *Hack?*

So my roomies are back home and they came back early! yay happy! And clearly I am still alive. So yesterday I decided that I needed to clean the microwave because I like clean microwaves and ours was getting gross and I cringed whenever I went to cook things. I'm not saying my roomies are gross because when I lived in my dorm room by my self I would cringe at my own microwave when it got too dirty for me to handle. My soul just would not be happy until my microwave was squeeky clean and adorable again. I'm just funny that way. So anyway though, I decided that I needed to clean the microwave which then translated in to cleaning off the table and to some extent the counters and I started to get a bit sniffly. I guess it was the dust and what not, but then I started choking on life again and it was really annoying. If you don't know--and probably you wouldn't--I seem to get this weird cough every now and again. The worst that ever happens is that I can sometimes have uncontrolable coughing fits and have a hard time breathing or I weaze, which I guess is pretty bad, but it's never anything like bronchitis or anything else that involves hacking. Also I'm pretty sure it is nothing contagious because no one has ever picked it up from me before. So while I was watching a movie--more about that later-- my cough got pretty bad. I figured it would be ok in the morning, but this morning I felt worse and all kind of dried out and plugged up. Have you ever felt like that? But now I am better and no sniffles and I will tell you about the movie! So I watched the new Nancy Drew movie that came out a while ago. I don't really go see movies often; in fact I actually can't remember the last time I was in a theater or what it was that I saw. In any case, I only just got around to watching it, and I actually thought It was pretty cute. I was really thrown by how young Nancy and her friends sounded though. At first I was confused because I have read a few Nancy Drew books and I honestly thought she was a bit older like sixteen or so. So she starts talking and I'm like o, are they making her a bit younger? Then she starts talking about her car and I was like she honestly doesn't sound old enough to drive. They really sounded at least thirteen. But otherwise I think they did a very nice job with it. O hey and you wanna know what? Today is the first day I have been in my pjs all day this whole week! This is exciting because It makes me not feel like such a lazy girl. And now I'm off to grand adventures! tootles!

But I Probably Should Get Over It

So I am excited and nervous andterrified and cold all at the same time! Whoa, yeah. I am excited because Roomy made banana bread and I have not had this in a very lonnnnnnnnggg time. Not that people don't often make banana bread; in fact, people make it all the time but I can never have any because they always see the need to put nuts in it. I am allergic to nuts, but only the real kind; treenuts they're called. If you don't understand that, what I mean is that peanuts are actually not nuts. They're Legumes and more related to beans. That's what they tell me anyway. But either way I am not allergic to them and that makes me happy because peanut allergies kind of scare me. I'm not really sure yet why I am nervous; maybe I'm putting the wrong name to it. Terrified. I am terrified because I do not like to be alone with so much quiet. Sometimes I will just sit on my bed trying to listen as hard as I can for any unusual sounds so that I can sprint out the window or something. I'm not really sure where I'd go though--that is if I didn't break my leg first. This is why I need a big tough dog to be a better pare of eyes and ears and alert me to any possible danger, in addition to my padlocks and awesome alarm sistem when I live on my own. I especially hate having to run water because I can't hear over it so I tend to try to run it as low as I possibly can. I wish I had friends I could call or ask to stay over when this happens, but I'm always afraid people are busy and I don't want to bother them because I am a wimp and can't stay in my own house alone for long periods of time. I think probably I'd get a shepherd, or maybe a mastiff; something big so I can hide behind him and have him attack strangers. The big cat was just sitting on my bed with me--he's the male. He seems to be very sensitive to emotions and probably can tell that I am a bit freaked out. But I've got the whole weekend to myself and I intend to make the best of it! I'll probably get more freaked out though as the night grows old. No matter how many times this happens I still can't quite get over the feeling, and putting on loud happy music doesn't really help either because again, I can't hear. Well, it's winter here so I'd say it's fairly obvious why I'm cold. Toodles! wish me safety.

Relief

It is almost super cold right now! And all I really want to do is curl up in my warm slumber cocoon and listen to my book until I fall asleep. However, I have not blogged in awhile and realize that you may be going through withdrawls. Can I just say that I hate making plans that may or may not happen the next day over facebook? It's mostly the waiting for a response that makes it a bit hard though. I'm kind of in the middle of that right now actually, (hang out Friday? Saturday? Friday?) and because it's me, I won't sleep until there is a concrete plan. Since other people have lives though, they are not on facebook all the time. I'm not either, but I also don't sleep. Why can't the rest of the world be undead like me? Ok, actually I take that back. I like the fact that most other people are asleep and that there is so much quiet. But I don't think I will get any more response because of how late it is. So after this post, I guess it's safe to sleep. So I made a stressball because I have some things in my life that are bugging me and I needed something to squeeze out my frustration. Roomy found a make your own stressball thingy online and it was something I had kinda always wanted to try so she and other roomy got balloons, but they were the wrong kind so I fixed the problem. Mine is green and filled with glue. I call it Squish. My roomies have yet to try. Aside from that not much has gone on really. There are some things I may tell you about at a later time, but I think I'll try sleeping now. P.S. I have fun new pajamas with polka dots on them.

To The Most Important Meal Of The Day

Well, they say it's the most important, but I just think it's the yummiest! Yes, breakfast.I am devoting my 100th post to my love of breakfast. I realize it took me almost two years to get here, but I am here now.
So breakfast as a whole Is my favorite thing. Along with pizza, it is one of the two foods guarantied to make me happy happy smily! Eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, waffles, I love them all! And yes, I should clarify that when I refer to breakfast here I specifically mean hot breakfast. Oddly I do not like breakfast sausage, hash browns or homefries, but I love all manner of combinations of the foods I did list.
I think--and I may have mentioned this before--that I really should have a designated breakfast for dinner night when I get my own place. Breakfast may be amazing in the morning, but it is even better during nonbreakfast meals!
Funny though, all this talk about yummy breakfast and in actuallity, I almost never eat it. Maybe that's why I love hot breakfast so much, because I don't eat it everyday. O well, here's to you breakfast! may you continue to fill our bellies with scrumptiousness!!!

A Post To Willy

That is to say, william Shakespeare. I've always enjoyed shakespeare, and because I always had the privilage of listening to his plays on tape rather than reading them like the rest of my class, I always felt like I understood better.
So recently I decided that I really should try reading more shakespeare. I'd really love to see more plays too, but Shakespeare in the park will help me out with that one. I was on a friend's blog earlier today and was inspired to make another page for the Shakespeare I will be reading over the next little while. I'm excited for this! So my page is up, go see it! And please excuse the lack of prettiness and spelling, I will be fixing those as I read and blog on. =D
And on a completely unrelated note, I really wish screen writers would stop using weather so much for affect. I mean I know it's effective, but It's snowing here and then we had sleet and a thunderstorm and I am pretty sure My stomach did an olympic not. But I am ok now ... It's just different.
TTFN! stay warm!!!

Nome?

I am overjoyed to report that my weekend plans were not canseled!!! Of course we are getting tuns more snow even as I write this, but the plans I had to cansel for today were not very exciting anyway.
Can you believe I have never had Boston cream pie? Clam chowder I would be allergic to, but Boston cream pie I have no excuses for. So the guys and I got some to split after Build A Bear when We went in to Boston. Yes, we went to Build A Bear and Running Slippers made a bear and I think I should get to be his Godmother, but we didn't discuss it. We also had really awesome mac and cheese that I am excited to finish sometime today.
So ... I definitely didn't think you could get actual non cicelian rectangle pizza from an actual pizza place, but Saturday, at the mall, we had some for lunch. It was really good, but a lot of pizza for one piece and I couldn't finish mine. I can never seem to finish a whole meal whenever I go out to eat. I try to be good though and usually take it home and eat it sometime later.
Speaking of snow,I think we don't have anywhere else to put the stuff, we've gotten so much of it. Can we ship it off to another state? Also It's becoming a hazard and my leg just isn't handeling it well. Everytime we had to walk down a flight of stairs Sunday I thought my leg was gonna break or something. ouch. I wonder if this is a record ... hm, must look up random trivia about weather.
But as far as weekends go, this was another great one for the memory books. I hope I get to have many more before too long. Cheers and stay warm!

UPDATE: I am totally Seven's godmother!

Winter's Backlog?

I love the snow; I truly do.Unfortunately since January has decided to give us back all the snow we missed over the years, we've had at least one storm ever week since the month got here. It doesn't bother me so much, but I don't drive or shovel and it seems to freak everyone else out. So in short, I still love winter, but it's playing merry heck with my plans.
Three days in a row my plans have been canseled, and all because of the same storm! But the good news is that I will finally get to try a recipe I've been wanting to make for some time now. Now I can only hope hope hope against snow that my weekend plans don't fall through.
I hope you are safe and warm this winter, and try not to go stir crazy! hehehe toodles!

Because I Smile When I Am Happy

No, I am not up super early, in fact I haven't slept yet. I wanted to finish up some things so I could sleep freely. It took longer than I expected and I wasn't going to blog any, but my book isn't done transfering so here I am. =D
Tonight and this morning I am thinking happy thoughts and lovely things so here are some lovely thoughts for you. I find that there is something truly awesome about holding another living being. It's one thing to see them walk, talk, moo, hiss, pur ect. but when you touch another living being, even as small as my tiny leopard gecko Joei, you can feel their life.
I love to hold cats or dogs or lizards and feel their tiny heart beats and the rhythm of their breathing; it's comforting somehow. And let's don't forget hugs.
Here, only real hugs count. While side hugs may be appropriate in some circumstances, they are not real hugs and do not make a connection. Perhaps that is part of why I am such a cuddlebug; I am comforted by that feeling of life.
So cheers to life and living! ... and the hugs ;)

Chipmunk Face

So, I think the sergery went well, only Now my face is all swolen. Fun right? And of course the pain pills didn't help with the major rocking throbbing pain so I just put up with it. I really thought these ones would work because it was the strong stuff, but nope ... nothing. *sigh*
When I can feel again, I will mourn the loss of my wisdom teeth, but for now I am happy enough that I don't hurt as bad. --- side note, my too roomies are both on the phone having separate conversations and I think my head is going to explode! aaaaaahhh!
Ok, I just shut the door; I think i'm good now. Yeah ... pretty much now I'm just rambling, but I've gotten past the important part. =D
TTFN sorry for the super lame post

Crashing Back To Earth

... And so, fresh from the retreat, bright-eyed and full of potential, she set off to right. ... Enter reality. Yesterday I came back from the third annual writing retreat held by our English club. We started it with our advisor back when I was president and we were all excited about writing. I am not the president anymore since graduating and I personally feel that the current members are a bit distracted by their other responsibilities, but the turn out continues to grow and the retreat will live on for a very long time. At the time the retreat began, there were only eight of us, including our faculty advisor and two alums. The hotel we found--somewhat by accident-- was the cheapest we could afford, but turned out to be an amazing find! I think our advisor called it budget luxury. This year that whole pioneer group of us are alums, though we lost two. Our original session leader, who on the first retreat lead all of the sessions/workshops, lead our first session, but this year, like the last, we were able to have multiple session leaders. Last year I skipped a few, but This year I wanted to try for all of them. The year the sessions become so numerous that they over lap, I will declare the retreat a conference and mourn it’s loss. Being away is always so much fun for me, but has always been hard because I am always reluctant to come back home. Even after I get home and except that the adventure is over for now, I usually need a bit of time with my memories to separate myself before I can really talk about it with anyone who was not there. That being said, and this being Monday, I think my friends are hot tub obsessed! I liked the hot tub plenty even if it was way too hot for my liking, but every time we had even half an hour of downtime they wanted to go back in the hot tub. We also broke tradition slight and went to Applebee’s twice. The first year when we discovered that the hotel Had an Applebee’s in it, I guess we decided it would be our traditional first meal. Last year, when we all tried to sit at the same table, It was kind of a mess since we had so many people. But this year Slippers and I and our friend … one of the original, sat at our own table and goofed off. After that we pretty much stuck together the whole time, though not exclusively.Our second time at Applebee’s was Saturday afternoon when Everyone else had sandwiches. One girl couldn’t have bread or cheese and I had leftovers still so five of us were going to get take out but ended up eating there. As far as fun things in my future go, this was the last thing I had planned, So I haven’t much in the way of events to look forward to for a while now. And tomorrow I get my wisdomteeth pulled. Wish me Luck! =D TTFN

Happy Happy New Year Baby

So I had this really cool cool post all about my exciting end of the year weekend, but then My computer was acting up and I couldn't post anything. But it all seems to be here now and I'll try to get it all in.
So first two of my friends got married and it was beautiful and midieval and so totally what I would've expected from the bride. There was a kniting ceremony and the sword was real! And at the reception there was an ice sculpture of a castle. I've always been fascinated by ice sculpture. And of course there was lots and lots of dancing!
A bunch of us got in a random dance cluster and all danced together. Mostly I danced with Running Slippers, but we changed partners too. I had so much fun and the whole thing definitely put me in a "awh I wanna get married" mood, but only for about 15 minutes lol. I wish the both of them great happiness!
On friday there was a new years party and I brought along Eddie and played for everyone. I was supposed to go to another friend's house for New Years day, but my ride ended up not going so Saturday I stayed at home and did nothing. ... And now we're here.
Is today Tuesday already? I am very excited about the writing retreat this coming weekend! But first I will have to get through tomorrow. I'm not sure what it's about
****** scratch that. Due to a somewhat longish conversation I no longer have any obligations tomorrow. W00T!

Retreat here I come! In about three days. =D