Of Shoes and Shopping

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but I am one of the pickiest shoppers you will ever meet. I have no desire to follow the latest fashion, nor do I like much of what is even out there for fashion. It's just that I invision whatever it is that I want and almost nothing ever comes close. *sigh* At one point, E and I decided that I should just become a seamstress and be done with it. I can sew, I just don't know how to use a sewing machine--not yet anyway.
So I have a pare of white sandelsz that I love. When summer comes around, I wear them every day and my sneakers basically go in to summer hibernation. I even where these sandels to church and sometimes in the rain if it is not too too bad. But This summer I am afraid that I will not be able to wear my beloved white sandels. I've had them for some time now and they are very very warn and the bottoms should start coming off any time. So basically I need new sandles. So with out further ado, I present, a story of shoe shopping.
This weekend E and I went to find another pare of sandels that I could wear to death and for a few years. I guess that is part of why I am so picky, because I don't have the money to shoe shop that often. So I need sandles that I will love and that will last awhile. But first, here are my requirements.

• slip on is prefered, though not required


• open-toed


• I am not a fan of thongs


• I don't like leather


• I don't like black or brown


• I don't want any kind of heael


• I would like some elivation to my sandels, not because I am short, but because if I am going to wear open toed shoes, I'd like to be not so close to the ground

Sounds simple right? ... have you seen shoes lately? So basically, everything I don't want is what's out there. And on top of that, a lot of what I don't want is what makes a sandel. How I found the perfect pare the last time I'll never know.
So E and I visited probably five or six different stores and found nothing. It was dress pants shopping all over again! Although actually we almost did find one pare, but in the end I decided that I wasn't in love with them. Guess I should learn to make shoes too huh?
So I bought coffee. Yup, I couldn't find shoes or chocolate-covered coffee beans--yes I have been looking for those for some time now--so I got coffee instead. The quest continues!
Oh, and in other news? Eddie and I are learning
this
song, among others. There may be another Eddie link for you soon. =D

Thursday Night Partay!

Greetings! Can you guess what I've been up to? It's amazing how much time some things take up really. Today is Running Slippers' birthday. He is gone though so I won't be able to celebrate with him :( But he always goes back home for his birthday anyway, so I've never been able to. I have plans though ... oh do I have plans.

I think next week I'm going to start trying to be a real person instead of a sedintary mass of bla. Wish me luck.

Oh yes, and Also, I've been seeing a physical therapest about my leg. I know, finally right? It's too early to say how much it's helping right know, but he's a nice guy and everyone at the office seems really nice. I love that because I don't always know what I am doing or how to go about things and people with little patients or just general bad attitudes just make everything worse.

Sigh, what I wouldn't give for something munchy right now. But I think just now there is no more to tell you so I shall leave you with this

Enjoy

Peeling

I think those who know me well will agree with me when I say that I probably spend far too much time in my own mind. If there is such a thing, yes I do it, and do it often. Largely this from being alone so much, but there are times when I do this amoung company. For example a person will say something to me and I will reply, but only in my mind. I think I've mentioned this before, but words regularly forget to come out of my mouth. All of that to say that I've been thinking a lot about a lot of different things mainly me and how I relate to other people. Do you ever do something that may have been stupid or somehow unwise and then thought to yourself, I should have known better? I often do know better, but that does not always stop me from falling in the soup. Actually I think it's worse knowing better because all the time you are beating yourself up about it. I will think to myself, I shouldn't do this I know I shouldn't do this, and yet I will do it anyway. Perhaps I am insane? So I have this thing; I play it cool, I play it safe and no one touches me. When I was younger I would never ask my friends to come over, nor would I ever ask if I could go over their houses because I was always afraid they would say no. I don't know exactly who taught me to be so fearful, but it is something I am trying to work on and I think part of that is getting rid of some of the influences that I know are reinforcing that fear. But I learned to hide my feelings and let no one know how much something effected me. I play it cool; I play it safe, and no one touches me. At least that was how it was when I was younger. Now I've learned to be more excepting of unfavorable outcomes and thus there is less need to hide my feelings. However there is a downside. I am still not good at expressing some of my emotions and I will not suddenly become better at it after this post. I am still somewhat afraid and my need for self-preservation keeps many things inside where they are safe from judgement and scruteny. Yet I always knew this might get me in trouble some day. Perhaps trouble is not the right word here, but what I mean is, if I keep it safe, I can never be hurt and yet I can never be entirely happy either. If I never extended the invitation to potential friends to come over, they might have interpreted that as my not liking them and I would have lost them. The same, I am sure, is true of many other things as well. As I have said, I know better, but that does not stop me from having to swim through chicken noodle. Yes, I think let's call it chicken noodle. Hee hee, sorry, sometimes I need to be silly. But in all seriousness, giving, in so far as myself is concerned, I struggle with. It is something I am trying to work on though because as much as I would hate to get hurt, I would hate much more to hurt anyone else. So dear friends, I have peeled back part of my shield for you to see inside and hope you will be understanding, and please forgive my silences; they are very often not what you think.

Love And Laughter

So how was my birthday you ask? Well to be honest the day itself was nothing to write home about, but since I wasn't expecting much, I have no complaints about it. I did get to go and hang out with my mom the day after however. We got our nails done and drove around a bit so that was very nice. The real fun was had the day before my birthday however. Shall I tell you about it? I won't spend too much time on it I'm afraid because I don't think I could ever capture my enjoyment and level of excitement at having so many of my friends near by. Of course not all who were invited could make it, but I think it was a great group just as it was; including my roomies, Running Slippers, The Maestro and a few others. I forgot my coat and lost my voice, but it was well worth the good time I had. We went scavenger hunting in Boston and then had dinner at AppleBee's. Is it possible to give yourself a migraine from having too much fun? We faked a proposal,almost joined a protest, and managed not to get shot by any ducks, and I loved every minute of it. Here's looking forward to the next goodtime! I'm off now to go enjoy more creepy tails. toodle pip!

... want?

It would appear that as the Earth has made yet another revolution and another year is upon us, My birthday has rolled around again, and that most common of questions has arisen once again. What do you want for your birthday? It's a perfectly good question, and one that I would ask my own friends and family in turn, however I always seem to have trouble figuring out how to answer. Of course when I was little--note younger since I am still somewhat little--toys were an easy enough answer. But now I am older and I find myself uninterested in many of the desires of most girls. I don't wear makeup, I like some jewelry, but I think I'm too particular about what I like, and I wouldn't like getting clothes; especially in light of recent shopping experiences. There are a few things that I like and wouldn't mind getting that I would assume might be general knowledge among my friends, however perhaps not--see previous post. For one thing, I love animals and figurenes especially since they're tactile, I've always liked fake body parts and had started upquite a collection before we moved and most of it disappeared. My collection included: one pink foam brain, a glow in the dark brain which I liked better, a squushy heart, several eyeballs that bulged when you squeezed them, a ball of fake blood that splatted against the wall when thrown, and some hands feet an ear and nose. However, for those of you who might be more ambitious in your gift giving, I have thought long and hard about the things I want and have carefully compiled for you a list of the things I would most like to recieve. So here with out further ado, is my list for your gifting convenience.

1. a dragon
He of course must fly, however full blown firebreath is optional

2. angora goat
preferably a small one

3. a pegasus-drawn chariot


4. a griffin


5. invisibility spray


6. a male quartet
Either a capella or with a piano accompaniment is exceptible.

7. jazz band


8. flying carpet


9. sealion
Not to be confused with a seal.

10. an empty shopping mall
So that I can run around in.

11. elephant ride

Thank you.

In My Own Little Corner, In My Own Little Mind

Sometimes I think I spend too much time in my mind. Like when someone says something to you and you think you've answered them, but really you forget that your part of the conversation is actually not taking place out loud? I say I don't expect people to be able to read my mind and for the most part I don't, but I do sometimes forget that people need clues to what I am thinking or intending. That being said, I wonder just how much of myself I share with others.
I often find myself thinking how little people know me even sometimes my closest friends. Then I wonder if I should really expect them to know certain things about me, like how there are certain things I do not like to talk about; not because I am ashamed of things, but more so because I do not like fuss. Sometimes when I buy something new like a braselet for example, I don't like to show it off right away, rather I like to keep it to myself while I enjoy the newness of it. Then I'll casually wear it somewhere.
Then I think to myself,does anyone ever notice this stuff about me and if so would anyone even care? Or is it even reasonable for me to expect that someone might notice? It's not exactly something you could ask a person either; "Hey do you ever notice how I act when I get new things,?" So I am at a dead end. On the one hand, it would make sense for my close friends at least to notice these little characteristics about me, but on the other hand the things they don't notice, is it because I don't share enough about myself?
I do try not to talk about myself too much largely because I don't want to feel conceited, but also because I am somewhat insecure and I don't think people care all that much. I suppose that is something like my facial expressions. Sometimes I wonder how much people can read what I am thinking or how I am feeling from my face, but I never get a clear answer whenever I work up enough nerve to actually ask someone. I figure for the most part that people don't pay any attention to my face because there are times I have forgotten my glasses and almost no one ever notices right away.
Although I did once have an aquaintence comment that he liked to watch the expressions on my face. He made this comment while I was listening to a new piece of music he had just mixed. Of course it confuses the issue whenever I remember that. I know there are other ocasions that people have looked at my face and said "you looked mad" or "you looked really excited" or "you smile a lot." Then there are the times when people have said things to indicate that my expression was unreadable.
And then there are those times when nearly everyone gets it wrong; those times when someone thought I looked really tired when I am just bored or pensive, or when someone thought I was looking at them expectantly when really I had spaced out and just happened to be looking in there direction. So it all boils down to can people actually read my facial expressions when I am not merely reacting to something, or do people even pay attention?
Alas, perhaps I am just not socialized enough. So when my friends do something that makes me think you should know better, I'll just have to think to myself that it's too bad no one really knows me. Then of course because I think entirely too much--yes that is possible--I start to thinkhow well do I really know my friends? Do I pay enough attention to notice the little things about them?

Why Am I So Strange?

I hate making people feel bad. I mean I suppose all decent human beings do, but I sometimes feel like I am irrational about it.
For example, I will be walking with a friend somewhere like in a store and I will get hit by some clothes rack that was sticking out too far. Then my friend will feel bad because I got hurt and he/she wasn't paying attention, and then I feel bad because they feel bad; like I should never have gotten hurt. It gets even worse depending on just how bad the friend feels and how much I judge it is not their falt.
One time one of my profs brought some treats in to class for her students to enjoy and I mistakenly ate one with nuts. I had to go to the nurse to get benadryl, but that's as far as I ever got. To this day she still brings up how she almost killed me. And even though it is kind of a joke, it is partly serious because we really want to make sure that does not happen again.
And of course, dying though I could have been, I still wanted to cry inside for eating the nuts and making my prof feel bad and dampening everyone's mood, as if I had done it on purpose. See how strange I am? I don't think that is normal!
Also I don't understand why I constantly see the need to point out when things are not normal about me, I know I am not normal and I should stop trying to prove it to myself. ha!
Ok, so there it is. To all of you reading this whom I have made feel bad by getting hurt or sick, I am sorry! I feel terrible! Please except my inner tears and let's keep being friends and move on.

But I Probably Should Get Over It

So I am excited and nervous andterrified and cold all at the same time! Whoa, yeah. I am excited because Roomy made banana bread and I have not had this in a very lonnnnnnnnggg time. Not that people don't often make banana bread; in fact, people make it all the time but I can never have any because they always see the need to put nuts in it. I am allergic to nuts, but only the real kind; treenuts they're called. If you don't understand that, what I mean is that peanuts are actually not nuts. They're Legumes and more related to beans. That's what they tell me anyway. But either way I am not allergic to them and that makes me happy because peanut allergies kind of scare me. I'm not really sure yet why I am nervous; maybe I'm putting the wrong name to it. Terrified. I am terrified because I do not like to be alone with so much quiet. Sometimes I will just sit on my bed trying to listen as hard as I can for any unusual sounds so that I can sprint out the window or something. I'm not really sure where I'd go though--that is if I didn't break my leg first. This is why I need a big tough dog to be a better pare of eyes and ears and alert me to any possible danger, in addition to my padlocks and awesome alarm sistem when I live on my own. I especially hate having to run water because I can't hear over it so I tend to try to run it as low as I possibly can. I wish I had friends I could call or ask to stay over when this happens, but I'm always afraid people are busy and I don't want to bother them because I am a wimp and can't stay in my own house alone for long periods of time. I think probably I'd get a shepherd, or maybe a mastiff; something big so I can hide behind him and have him attack strangers. The big cat was just sitting on my bed with me--he's the male. He seems to be very sensitive to emotions and probably can tell that I am a bit freaked out. But I've got the whole weekend to myself and I intend to make the best of it! I'll probably get more freaked out though as the night grows old. No matter how many times this happens I still can't quite get over the feeling, and putting on loud happy music doesn't really help either because again, I can't hear. Well, it's winter here so I'd say it's fairly obvious why I'm cold. Toodles! wish me safety.

Relief

It is almost super cold right now! And all I really want to do is curl up in my warm slumber cocoon and listen to my book until I fall asleep. However, I have not blogged in awhile and realize that you may be going through withdrawls. Can I just say that I hate making plans that may or may not happen the next day over facebook? It's mostly the waiting for a response that makes it a bit hard though. I'm kind of in the middle of that right now actually, (hang out Friday? Saturday? Friday?) and because it's me, I won't sleep until there is a concrete plan. Since other people have lives though, they are not on facebook all the time. I'm not either, but I also don't sleep. Why can't the rest of the world be undead like me? Ok, actually I take that back. I like the fact that most other people are asleep and that there is so much quiet. But I don't think I will get any more response because of how late it is. So after this post, I guess it's safe to sleep. So I made a stressball because I have some things in my life that are bugging me and I needed something to squeeze out my frustration. Roomy found a make your own stressball thingy online and it was something I had kinda always wanted to try so she and other roomy got balloons, but they were the wrong kind so I fixed the problem. Mine is green and filled with glue. I call it Squish. My roomies have yet to try. Aside from that not much has gone on really. There are some things I may tell you about at a later time, but I think I'll try sleeping now. P.S. I have fun new pajamas with polka dots on them.

Nome?

I am overjoyed to report that my weekend plans were not canseled!!! Of course we are getting tuns more snow even as I write this, but the plans I had to cansel for today were not very exciting anyway.
Can you believe I have never had Boston cream pie? Clam chowder I would be allergic to, but Boston cream pie I have no excuses for. So the guys and I got some to split after Build A Bear when We went in to Boston. Yes, we went to Build A Bear and Running Slippers made a bear and I think I should get to be his Godmother, but we didn't discuss it. We also had really awesome mac and cheese that I am excited to finish sometime today.
So ... I definitely didn't think you could get actual non cicelian rectangle pizza from an actual pizza place, but Saturday, at the mall, we had some for lunch. It was really good, but a lot of pizza for one piece and I couldn't finish mine. I can never seem to finish a whole meal whenever I go out to eat. I try to be good though and usually take it home and eat it sometime later.
Speaking of snow,I think we don't have anywhere else to put the stuff, we've gotten so much of it. Can we ship it off to another state? Also It's becoming a hazard and my leg just isn't handeling it well. Everytime we had to walk down a flight of stairs Sunday I thought my leg was gonna break or something. ouch. I wonder if this is a record ... hm, must look up random trivia about weather.
But as far as weekends go, this was another great one for the memory books. I hope I get to have many more before too long. Cheers and stay warm!

UPDATE: I am totally Seven's godmother!

Winter's Backlog?

I love the snow; I truly do.Unfortunately since January has decided to give us back all the snow we missed over the years, we've had at least one storm ever week since the month got here. It doesn't bother me so much, but I don't drive or shovel and it seems to freak everyone else out. So in short, I still love winter, but it's playing merry heck with my plans.
Three days in a row my plans have been canseled, and all because of the same storm! But the good news is that I will finally get to try a recipe I've been wanting to make for some time now. Now I can only hope hope hope against snow that my weekend plans don't fall through.
I hope you are safe and warm this winter, and try not to go stir crazy! hehehe toodles!

Because I Smile When I Am Happy

No, I am not up super early, in fact I haven't slept yet. I wanted to finish up some things so I could sleep freely. It took longer than I expected and I wasn't going to blog any, but my book isn't done transfering so here I am. =D
Tonight and this morning I am thinking happy thoughts and lovely things so here are some lovely thoughts for you. I find that there is something truly awesome about holding another living being. It's one thing to see them walk, talk, moo, hiss, pur ect. but when you touch another living being, even as small as my tiny leopard gecko Joei, you can feel their life.
I love to hold cats or dogs or lizards and feel their tiny heart beats and the rhythm of their breathing; it's comforting somehow. And let's don't forget hugs.
Here, only real hugs count. While side hugs may be appropriate in some circumstances, they are not real hugs and do not make a connection. Perhaps that is part of why I am such a cuddlebug; I am comforted by that feeling of life.
So cheers to life and living! ... and the hugs ;)

Crashing Back To Earth

... And so, fresh from the retreat, bright-eyed and full of potential, she set off to right. ... Enter reality. Yesterday I came back from the third annual writing retreat held by our English club. We started it with our advisor back when I was president and we were all excited about writing. I am not the president anymore since graduating and I personally feel that the current members are a bit distracted by their other responsibilities, but the turn out continues to grow and the retreat will live on for a very long time. At the time the retreat began, there were only eight of us, including our faculty advisor and two alums. The hotel we found--somewhat by accident-- was the cheapest we could afford, but turned out to be an amazing find! I think our advisor called it budget luxury. This year that whole pioneer group of us are alums, though we lost two. Our original session leader, who on the first retreat lead all of the sessions/workshops, lead our first session, but this year, like the last, we were able to have multiple session leaders. Last year I skipped a few, but This year I wanted to try for all of them. The year the sessions become so numerous that they over lap, I will declare the retreat a conference and mourn it’s loss. Being away is always so much fun for me, but has always been hard because I am always reluctant to come back home. Even after I get home and except that the adventure is over for now, I usually need a bit of time with my memories to separate myself before I can really talk about it with anyone who was not there. That being said, and this being Monday, I think my friends are hot tub obsessed! I liked the hot tub plenty even if it was way too hot for my liking, but every time we had even half an hour of downtime they wanted to go back in the hot tub. We also broke tradition slight and went to Applebee’s twice. The first year when we discovered that the hotel Had an Applebee’s in it, I guess we decided it would be our traditional first meal. Last year, when we all tried to sit at the same table, It was kind of a mess since we had so many people. But this year Slippers and I and our friend … one of the original, sat at our own table and goofed off. After that we pretty much stuck together the whole time, though not exclusively.Our second time at Applebee’s was Saturday afternoon when Everyone else had sandwiches. One girl couldn’t have bread or cheese and I had leftovers still so five of us were going to get take out but ended up eating there. As far as fun things in my future go, this was the last thing I had planned, So I haven’t much in the way of events to look forward to for a while now. And tomorrow I get my wisdomteeth pulled. Wish me Luck! =D TTFN

Happy Happy New Year Baby

So I had this really cool cool post all about my exciting end of the year weekend, but then My computer was acting up and I couldn't post anything. But it all seems to be here now and I'll try to get it all in.
So first two of my friends got married and it was beautiful and midieval and so totally what I would've expected from the bride. There was a kniting ceremony and the sword was real! And at the reception there was an ice sculpture of a castle. I've always been fascinated by ice sculpture. And of course there was lots and lots of dancing!
A bunch of us got in a random dance cluster and all danced together. Mostly I danced with Running Slippers, but we changed partners too. I had so much fun and the whole thing definitely put me in a "awh I wanna get married" mood, but only for about 15 minutes lol. I wish the both of them great happiness!
On friday there was a new years party and I brought along Eddie and played for everyone. I was supposed to go to another friend's house for New Years day, but my ride ended up not going so Saturday I stayed at home and did nothing. ... And now we're here.
Is today Tuesday already? I am very excited about the writing retreat this coming weekend! But first I will have to get through tomorrow. I'm not sure what it's about
****** scratch that. Due to a somewhat longish conversation I no longer have any obligations tomorrow. W00T!

Retreat here I come! In about three days. =D

And The Blizzard Comes

haha funny story. So I updated my status friday with something about it snowing ... uuummm, well there's a blizzard now and Running Slippers is totally blaming me! lol It is pretty hilarious, but I do hope that anyone traveling is ok. I am actually freakishly excited about all the snow even though I still have no one to play in it with. Running Slippers and I totally said we would hang out if it ever snowed this bad, but I'm a bit of a long walk away from him so he won't come get me. This is where he really needs to get his license! I maybe can excuse it because of the weather, but he wouldn't anyway. Only that one time before he knew how far away it was. =P Ok, I really need some coco and a good book/movie. Right now My roomy is finishing a really hard puzzle and we're hoping the power stays on at least until she finishes, but it has gone down twice already so we'll see. Snuggle time!!! I hope your Christmas was merry and all that you wanted! Be safe and happy!

babababrrrr!

So Running Slippers did call me, but he had another call come in so we've been playing phone tag ever since. sad banana.
I feel strangely like a lot happened today, though I'm almost sure nothing happened at all. Well, stuff happened, but nothing out of the ordinary. I woke up, i ate, i played on the internet and I talked to some people. I haven't been outside once today. ... weird. and now I'm hungry. Time to eat some things!
Happy Winter Solstice!!!

It Snowed! It Snowed! It Snowed Last Night!

Ok really more like sometime this afternoon, but it snowed!!!
And can i just say how much I love the Natural justice here? Last Sunday when it was supposed to snow we got rain because it was too warm, and now when it was supposed to rain for three days, it snowed! So I am very happy and excited if you couldn't tell and All I want right now is a fireplace and a cumfy blanket with a good book. And of course when the snow gets nice and thick and fluffy, to go out and play in it! O snow how I love you!!!
Winter officially starts tomorrow! Running Slippers and I had big plans for it, but We'll just have to call each other and make plans for next year. O yeah and apparently there's a lunar eclipse. Exciting day!
Time to go facebooking now and write some more of my story. Just had to make sure i blogged the first snowfall! yay!
Baby, it's cold outside! but I love it because I've got my love to keep me warm!

While The Ipod Charges

Sittin here ... waitin ... my ipod is taking forever to charge! Tonight I watched a funny youtube video my friend sent me and I laughed so hard it started up my cough. Then My roomies got concerned, but I was ok for the most part. Hee, then things got a bit silly and there was much laughter and joking. Yes, my mom finally came on Saturday, and she brought me chocolate oranges! Who's a happy happy smily girl now? =D She used to put them in my stocking at Christmas time. I don't often find them, but holidays remind me of their wonderfulness. I want a chocolate orange tree! And while I am on the topic of things chocolate, I now have a craving for chocolate strawberries! Thanks to a comment by my Love Muffin. Thanks for that you. Um, These cats are crazy? ... Or at least the male is ... he's running around playing with air currents or something. I kinda wonder if there's some imaginary monster he's running from because of whatever happened to him before he came to live here, or if he sees ghosts. Whatever it is, he does it a lot! Well, it's getting late and I must away to my sleep simulation pod; plus my ipod is done charging. =D TTFN!

... Or Not

So I thought I'd put some proper pants on--I was in my jammy shorts before--for when my mother came, but she isn't here yet. She's bringing me food so I thought I might have to carry a few things in. It's a good thing she isn't buying any ice cream --- I was on the phone with her about when she was finishing up and that was hours ago. O well, I am good at waiting.
So still no snow thus far and it's almost Christmas! ... At least here there isn't any snow, but I hear there's some almost everywhere else. I did start writing that story, but haven't finished it yet. I wonder if finishing will help?
As for finished stories though, I did manage to write one whole one and I've sent it off to a friend to see what he thinks of it. It's a bit twisted and I think I may have officially freaked myself out writing it. O well, I'll wait and see what my friend thinks.
Still no mother ... or food.
Happy Saturday!

Bad For The Writing

I think that case of senior itus has been very bad for my creative writing. O I've written some small bits of poetic verse here and there, But I've bearly written so much as a 55 since the summer, and that's just not like me.
True I've got some writing obligations I need to get filled right quick, but I think I may try some creative writing to help me out. First order of business, a litterary snow dance! Yes that's write, I want snow and outside cold and icicles! I love that yumm yumm winter!
I may start off with something short to excersize my writing muscles first. Also I need to get better at sustaining longer plot lines. Speaking of short fiction, go check out my pal
Polar McCoy
over at his writing blog. I promise you will be delighted!
So here's to the return of story and the bringing of snow ... cheers!