Becoming Scrooge

I am seriously considering putting myself up for adoption for the holidays! I'm small, no one will notice I'm over 18 right? ha! not likely. So I think I have mentioned before that along with all the holiday joy and funness winter also makes me very sad. Well, this seems to be a bit of something else, but it doesn't help.
I think my mom got an invite to some friends for Christmas dinner. I absolutely completely unrepentently do not want to go! Not by any means! I am really starting to not look forward to the holidays. Truth be told we haven't actually had any kind of Christmas anything in some time which I was already not happy about.
O I know christmas isn't about the tree or santa and the presents, but that isn't even what I miss. I haven't really wanted anything for the last several Christmases anyhow. I'd really like to have Christmas at all. And If I'm gonna do that, I don't want to do it with anyone but my own family. I refuse to have anyone else's Christmas again!
Yes We have done it before and it just wasn't right. So here's to holidays with family and less complaining about my life.

The Place To Be

So the cats have apparently decided that my bed is the place to be so i suppose i am in a kind of war for it with them. I guess as long as I'm not sick or inclined to stay in bed all day we could work out an arangement hee.
Right now I am just chillin' on the couch listening to the bird chat away. I think i definitely have to live somewhere where it snows. I'm not personally considering leaving my home state now, but should I end up moving in future, I'd like it to be somewhere that has all four seasons. *sigh* i so love Winter.

Undone By The Wonder Land

Blackness.
Ever growing blackness barely fading at it's ends.
Blackness like an endless tunnel of velvet.
A mournful wind lures me from my warm cocoon.

Everything is clearer here,

Sharper here,

Colder here.

Moonlight glows on the fallen snow.
Feathery snowflakes brush cheeks.
Burn as they melt on the tip of a tongue.

The howling wind rises,
Stings,
Whistles through leafless fingers of branches.
Tears stand in the eyes.
Icicles gleam,
Frozen in their dissent.
The wind caresses,
Loosens.
Some Fall, the sound like tiny bells.
The glistening pieces Pearce my soul like a million shimmering shards of glass.
When it is morning, the sun will Pearce the velvet black with its bright rays.
And the snow will blind the world with its purity.

Domestic Fun

I am rooming with two friends from college! So far it has been wonderful, but it's only for a little bit. I wish i could be here longer. They've got two cats and a bird. I really can't wait for the snow!! I really don't know that I can express to you my feelings about this season. Not that i do anything ritualistic or anything like that; I just enjoy it. and an made terribly terribly sad by it. More later. =D

The Happy Sad

It is november and i am starting to get chills.Not the kind that you might expect because of the cold weather, but the kind you get when you are anticipating something exciting. Yes, thanksgiving is coming up fairly soon and Christmas too, but these are not the source of my excitement. I am excited for winter. =D As far as I'm concerned it's pretty much already winter here. We have entered that seemingly endless black tunnel and the air is getting too nippy for autumn, and we're sure to get snow soon. I love winter; the crunch and sparkle of new snow, the decoration of icicles, pine trees and peppermint, and hot coco by a roaring fire. I love just about everything but the cold itself. And despite all this, winter always manages to make me sad. Yes, that little blossum of excitement that awakens from deep inside and brings so many happy memories, feelings and traditions, is laced with sadness. I have no clear explanation for this, but it seems to have been so for quite some time now. something about a cold clear winter morning or the moonlit snow beneath the black cloked sky causes me to thrill and drink in their beauty, but also to want to weep. But o, I love winter so. Even just the word excites me and floods me with memories. I think I may try to write something on the subject.

Dream House

So it has come to my attention that there are several things I find myself thinking about that I would like to have in my house. When I get a house that is. Just odd little things here and there that I think oo wouldn't it be cool to have that, or if I can make it happen, I definitely want this in my house.
I'm thinking I will make a page of all the stuff I have clamed to want for my "dream house." I wouldn't necessarily want all of these in the same house, but it would be fun to look back later and compare how many of these things I actually have. Or maybe my husband--future of course--will look at the list one day and say, "you wanted one of those?"
Wow, I nearly sounded like a little romantic there haha :P
Ok, let's see what makes the list. I think this has been on my mind so much lately because I have been iching for my own little corner of the world and the idea of being able to control what goes into my own space is exciting! Some of this stuff might also apply to apartments, though not all of it.

Reguarding The Cat

Did I tell you about my professor's cat? I guess I probably havent, but it's kind of funny. So she has three hamsters, one guinae pig (i always forget how that is spelled) and one hairless rat--who is a sweetheart and don't you dare mock him--. And then she got a cat to get rid of mice. lols I love my profs
From what I hear the cat--i will call him sandman--does quite well with the others. They have to be careful of course when the rodents have play time. Anyway though, the cat. I really love him; he is like the best thing eve!
Not this past weekend, but the one before I visited my old campus grounds to play a game of bigger-better (more about that later perhaps) and also to be there for the anual halloween reading. So I crashed on my prof's couch bed over the weekend. I got to spend all kinds of quality time with the little sandman.
Now, I love animals anyway and especially cats and dogs so I was excited to get to know the cat better. I think he really enjoyed my company. He came when I called him and he kept coming to curl against me while he groomed himself.
I got to see him again this Saturday while i was hanging out with some friends. Really, he is just an awesome cat. And he is black and white which is one of my favorite cat colors. =D

Life Goal

My deepest wish and life goal is to be completely indipendent so that I won't ever be a berdon to anyone again, and no one can ever resent me for it.